The Loyal Angel
by Leese Maree
Summary: My first fanfic. AU story, angsty, fairly violent, tissue sorta stuff.


Well, it's my first fanfic. Yay me!!!! Please let me know how I'm going.  
  
Disclaimer: Yeah, I don't own anything except a new stereo (thanks Mum) and a kick ass pair of leather boots.  
  
I don't ever want this storyline to occur in the show. Just thought it was something worth exploring though. Tell me your thoughts.  
  
"It's true. Every one of your past partners is dead. And I wish I was. I can't believe I'm living this piece of shit life here with you ... I hate it. I hate being here. I come home at night and it's the only thing I can feel."  
  
She's staring at me, sobbing. She gasps and I can tell she's trying to say something. I have to keep talking, I can't stop. I don't understand what is driving me, but the more I see of those big brown eyes pooling with tears, the more I want to hurt her. Let her see who is the powerful one now.  
  
"And I know why they're dead. You suck the soul out of them, every piece of goodness and pleasure they had inside of them is snatched away by you. You think you're the only one with a fucked up childhood ... open your eyes Mac! My upbringing was shit but I'm not sucking the happiness out of others and claiming it as my own."  
  
"I never knew that about you...I never knew lots of stuff. If I had known everything there is to know, I know that I never would have entered a relationship with you. I can't believe I'm the partner to Sarah Mackenzie, fuck up of the universe."  
  
I'm on a roll now; words are just spewing out of my mouth. I'm hearing what I'm saying and I'm cringing inside as I'm saying it, but something inside me is forcing me to keep going.  
  
"Mac, you're a screw up. Fucked up kid, grown up into a fucked up adult. Good thing your daddy's dead – he'd be ashamed to see how you've grown up."  
  
She's slumped onto the floor, sobbing gasping hacking sobs. She's shaking and I'm overcome with a wave of fury. I cross the room to her, and grabbing the soft part of her upper arm, wrench her roughly upwards. She whimpers and tries to slip into the cocoon of my arms. I push her furiously. She's off balance and falls against the corner.  
  
"Get up." I wrench her to her feet again, and shake her roughly. "You're pathetic." I slap her face and she doesn't respond: she doesn't hit me back or yell or even flinch. She just stands there, unmoving, as if waiting for the next blow. I'm furious. I start slapping her anywhere I can reach, hollering at her the whole time. "Fuck you." I slap here on the face. "You're pathetic." A punch to her shoulder. "I hate you." A particularly cruel blow to her soul.  
  
The whole time I'm beating her, she's still, unflinching, whimpering. "I'm so sorry ... it's all my fault ... I promise I'll change." I stare at her as I hit her, at the soft lips that I've split open with my fists, the pleading desperate eye, the hopeless tone of her voice and the clear skin of her face that's already starting to bruise. I hate myself for hurting her, but I can't stop; instead I'm taking my anger out on her.  
  
She's on the floor, vainly trying to protect herself when I land two violent blows in quick succession. The first is square in her stomach: she doubles into the foetal position. The second punch causes her head to be thrust backwards into the stone edge of our fireplace. Her skull hits with a sickening thump, and I know instantly I've gone too far. She lies on the carpet, whispering my name, murmuring her apologies, on the edge of consciousness. I collapse to my knees. My legs have given out. I can't tear my eyes away from the damage I've done to her body. Tears fill my eyes and tug at the back of my throat.  
  
"I love you." I stare into her eyes, and unbelievably, I can see that she is serious. I can't fucking believe this. I've just beaten this woman almost unconscious and yet she wants to assure me she's still in love with me. My tears evaporate as anger at myself courses through my veins. I stand and stalk out the front door of our apartment. I slam the door on the way out. She lies still, alone, on the floor inside, unconscious, cold and defeated.  
  
End  
  
Let me know if it's worth continuing!!! 


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